Ugliest girl in the world

They asked the Turkish Guy "if you would marry the ugliest girl in the world only for 1 million dollar. He says "I got three conditions" 1- If We have a baby I choose the name 2- I don't kiss on the lips 3- I PAY THE MILLION BY INSTALMENTS

www.fxmarketi.com

According to Wikipedia Forex goes like; The foreign exchange market (forex, FX, or currency market) is a global decentralized market for the trading of currencies. This includes all aspects of buying, selling and exchanging currencies at current or determined prices. In terms of volume of trading, it is by far the largest market in the world.[1] The main participants in this market are the larger international banks. Financial centres around the world function as anchors of trading between a wide range of multiple types of buyers and sellers around the clock, with the exception of weekends. The foreign exchange market does not determine the relative values of different currencies but sets the current market price of the value of one currency as demanded against another. Turks love forex and this is the biggest thing in Turkey at the moment.

LOOKING AT MARKETING FROM IMMIGRANT ANGLE

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What marketing people are missing?

Why focusing on the middle class that losing blood every single day.  The way it goes you will be either working class (don’t matter what profession you have) or upper class (it is all about how much you make.)

The class system is changing with immigration. Wake up. There are different classes now. If you want to promote or sell your products, these days you have to be able to read the streets. Open your eyes. Look around you. Who is spending money? Who is following trends? What are their budgets? Or their responsibilities? Or priorities in life? Or dreams.? Stop ignoring immigrants and their buying power. Go to oxford street next Christmas and see who is shopping. Who buys the latest iPhone? Why do you think that apple invested to Beats? Be a leader, not a follower. Starts focusing on ethnic marketing. Target people who were not born in this country. They want to be recognised. They want to be part of it. They want attention. Waiting with their hard earn cash ready to spend for the brands who pays attention to them. Who make them feel like they are part of the society.

First advertising.

Casting one black person or a lady with a headscarf on your ad campaign is not gonna work. It's pretentious. It's easy to see that its fake. Looks ridiculous. Pushes people away.  Cost business. Hurst your brand.

Look at the streets. Take an example how people live. All races, all ages, all colors. This country is the prime example of how to live in peace. All together. Focus on it. Mix it up. Be real. Every culture has its own unique attributes. We all know what they are. Don’t be scared, don’t try to be politically correct. It is not stereotyping. It is not racism. It is being real. Be strong. Show people that your brand has a character. A strong one but also has its flaws. That’s being real.

Public Relations,

First of all, make your mind up. Decide. Create a division that only deals with ethnic clientele. Find people who come from the communities. Speaks their language. Understand their lives, likes, dislikes etc. Get an amateur if you need but make sure he comes from where you are going.

Study your target customers. Not a silly survey or research. Get an opinion from the streets. Workplaces. Families, Communities. Get the real info. Not the silly numbers that data companies gives you.

Engaged with them. Don’t defend your brand, support your brand. If you have enough support then when things go wrong they will defend you. Invest in positive. If they like you they will stand by your side. See the brand as a family. Strong feelings v logical thinking. Focus on feelings. Be good. Don’t avoid confrontation. Explain your actions. Stand by them. Strong brands receive respect.

Actions,

Don’t be greedy. Learn to share as a brand. Don’t publicise all your good deeds. Let people to big you up. Be patient. Word a month is the way. People living fast these days. Information is poring down. Too much of it. Even thou everything is avail on your phones you still ask which barbershop to go to your friend. No need to google. Let people be a human-google for you. Spread the word.

How to get treated like a king on Turkish Restaurants or kebab shop..

in London, everybody likes kebab or nice BBQ ribs or maybe a lahmacun. Since you are going to eat all of them at some point why not get a better service or/and freebies or/and a discount.

here are some tips how to be loved by Turkish kebab man and get the best treatment.

Rule number one; This is a general rule applies to everybody in every situation. Show some respect. Whatever people do for a living deserves to be treated with respect. Do not look down on people or be a snob in any situation. Get that as a principle for life.

Rule number two; Learn some Turkish. Basic words. Hello, How are you, or how to order in Turkish.  Kebab man love that. Turkish people love who try to speak Turkish. Makes us smile and happy. You will be a star in no time.

Rule number three; Tell them that their place is the best in town and that's why you tell all your friends to come to that place to eat. Turkish people love to get compliments.

Rule Number four; If you are eating in a Turkish restaurant. Tell the chef that you want something mix to share and its up to the chef to come up with something. Leave it to him.They will get crazy and get you the biggest mixed platter you have ever seen with no extra charge.

Rule Number four; Never turn down a Turkish tea. if its not offered make sure you asked after your meal. Tea means friendship. Drink it and enjoy.

Rule number five; Een if you are not eating if you are passing by or in the area, pop in and say hello. We love people just saying hello without asking anything. It shows that you care and they will love you for it.

These are the basic rules.. You follow these rules on your regular spot. You will get treated like a VIP everytime you go there.

HOW TO ASK PAY RISE TO YOUR BOSS

As a Turkish Immigrant in London, you come across many interesting conversations when you hang out in Turkish cafes, restaurants, famous social clubs..
Here is the example of a real conversation I heard while sipping my cappuccino looking flat white in one of the Turkish places in Hackney. It's about their work. So you guys should understand that immigrants work hard.. very hard..

A-I am fed up with my boss man.. he is taking a piss..
B- Whats his problem.?

A-I told him that I need more hours but instead, he cut my hours to 70 a week.
B- Man, you used to do 80 hours a week. Why he cut your hours to 70?

A- Cause he says business is slow but I need at least 90 hours a week so I can save some money.

B- Just tell him man. They just trying you. Once I asked my boss for a pay rise. He said NO!. I told him if he doesn't give me £2 pound an hour instead of £1.80 I said I am going to quit. He was moaning but he start to give me £2 now. So you gotta be strong man.

A- Yeah man, He is taking a piss. I need at least 90 hours a week so I can save some money and open my own take -away kebab shop in 5 years time.

B- Soon man. I will buy a kebab van soon. Good money and fewer hours.. you only open 7 days a week but you don't have to open before 10 AM.


 

How to make profit from Tate Modern

I decide to add some color in my life and take my Turkish friend to the Tate Modern for the first time in his life.
There you see his opinions and suggestions on how to run Tate Modern properly and make some money..

-Too much brick my friend. way too much. cover the walls with cheap concrete then  you can sell them bricks as reclaim stuff to the trendy newcomers in Hackney.

-Why is this big chimney thing there doing for nothing? I would rent it to the billboard company. get some ad money.

-Gift shop? silly idea.. turn this silly gift shop to an off-licence. you make a killing. since I don't see many around this stretch  of the river anyway..

- This empty hall is such a waste.. turn it into car park.. its very expensive to park here, thanks god i have my late aunts disable badge. anyway, i would put my cousin here by the door and charge each car set fee of 10 quid. you make a killing.

- silly stuff on the wall. you call this art? I bring my cousin here to paint them wall with nice village scenery, cows and sheep and some moving waterfall frame..  or go to IKEA they have some nice pictures there and very cheap.

- electricity bill here must be high here. get rid of these funny lights.. I 'll bring my cousin here to install fivehundredmillionzillion fluorescent lights here so people can see the art properly.

Wine selection is important

A Little story about what happens to a Turkish guy who worked hard all his life to make some money and decide to enjoy his fortune in the end.
So he takes his family to a posh restaurant in Mayfair.
Here is what happens.

- Can I have your best wine, please.?
- Of course sir, Which year would you like?
- Well, I want it now.

http://www.freenewsfeed.com/headlines/?default=1

Do you now Boris Johnson?

As a Turkish person who lives in London I always come across same questions from my English friends. 

“Where is the best kebab in London? “ 

“Can you tell me where I can find the best lahmacun?” 

“Is the newly open Turkish hammam any good ?” 

“I need a gun, Can you get it for me from the Turkish Mafia?” etc.. 

I don’t recall myself asking where is the best fish & chips ? Where can I eat delicious shepherds pie? Or do you now Boris Johnson? Peh..

Turkish Job Application in London

Imagine your English is as poor as the ones on the silly reality TV shows. Immigrants usually learn English on the streets of London or at work from other immigrants so generally very basic and as they say “street” so here we go applying for the jobs generates humorous moments.

Friend of mine applied for a job with CV full of made up experiences. He is here for 4 years but looking at his CV you can say that he was born here. UNforfonunately he was caught not with the fake information he was providing. That one line on his CV got the attention of the employer and that was it.  Lets see if you guys can notice. On his CV he was outlining his personal skills.

-I am a Team worker who doesn’t scared of using initiative when time is right. I focus on projects with a great attention to details.

Another example of job applications made by Turkish friends,

-I want this job very much because I need money.

-I leave my other company because boss was bastard.

-I am very good worker. If you don’t give me the job Allah will punish you.

Example of answers for reference requests made by the companies.

-My cousin works here. His name is Ali. Talk to him. He knows me.

-Mr. Cengiz: Works at off-licence.

-Mr. Richard 0776***5462 (obviously & stupidly his own mobile number)

How to quit smoking or not to?

I have a friend whos is older than me. 50 something-year-old Turkish fella. He did great for himself. Couple of restaurants, few off-licence, take away kebab shops.
All with no English at all. Yes, No, Garlic sauce, chilli sauce.. that's about it. oh and also he can say "Alright mate" with east London accent.
He managed all without speaking the language of the country he is living but lately he decided to be more sophisticated and follow some trends he sees in Turkish newspapers.
One of them was quit smoking using the hypnosis technic. He finds this ridiculously expensive expert and gets an appointment (how he managed that is beyond my imagination).He went to few sessions and no success.
So he complains and asks for his money back from the hypnosis doctor. When I saw him the  other day he said that the guy refused to treat him anymore and give his money back cause the expert can not put him in the hypnotic state to work on his sub conscious. It took 3 sessions for expert to realise that the guy can not speak or understand any English at all..

My friend explained the outcome of his experience in just one sentence (in a very Turkish way.)
"You cant stop smoking unless you speak English my friend"

How to survive in low paid job in London

As an immigrant in London mainly low paid, hard working jobs are available. So I am looking around to change my career (being sarcastic here).

Many jobs available these days so I don't know which one I should go for (sarcastic again)
Anyways I managed to get one for the time being as a driver for council in London. Ideal job.

Driving job in London always come with one good benefit which is not offered by an employer but more like self-help.
Natives or lets say middle class or uppers don't know much about it or care. if you are streetwise or come from a shitty background of some dodgy area then you would know cause probably you are part of the scheme.

So what is the benefit for low paid driving job for council? its pays £6.80 an hour before tax. wowww.. That's a good start. £6.80 ph means I can afford 1 Kebab  wrap an hour.  Thank you council offering me this amazing opportunity after 500 million interviews so now I can drive one of your vehicles carelessly all day all night.
Anyways I was happy to get the job so at least I could be enjoying the extra benefit this position offers me. Just like any other driver out there I could be the one making the extra dime for pocket change.

Any driver who works for the government or any council in London knows the trick.
You get a gas card for your petrol or diesel. (diesel much preferred) Fill the tank up. Drive to the nearest dodgy neighborhood garage run by your immigrant fellow. Negotiate the price. When agreed, empty half of the tank. Get your money and go back to your daily routine while the garage owner makes some calls, mainly to dodgy cab office down the road and let his fellow immigrant, unlicenced, benefit receiving cab drivers know that he has cheap diesel to sell.
Takes 10 minutes to complete the whole gas deal unlike Shell, BP etc who would probably ask the governments to divide the people who work there, bomb the garage, bring democracy and take the petrol.

Cutting the long story short. I was ready for my new job. I got up, get ready, reach to my locker, put my official uniform on (dirty hi-wiz vest), grab my sun newspaper so I can rest it on the dashboard of my van and show people that I would happily support Donald Trump if I was an immigrant in America. All ready for action. I went to the garage. Introduced to my vehicle and baaaaaammmm.

All my plans are destroyed. Fucking electric van. How on earth they do electric van. What for? What I am gonna do with it. How am I make extra money on that? Cant go to my dodgy garage and ask them where the plug is!!!
"hey man you want some current? 220v top of the range??? " or " you wanna charge your stolen iPhone in my electric van?"
Most of them don't even pay for electric anyways. So its bad at the moment.. but you never give up if you are an immigrant.
At the moment I am working on how to transfer them volts to my fellow minicab drivers Toyota Prius.. if not at least I can swap the new battery in my van with the old one at the garage..
innovation my friend; is important in our world.. So wish me good luck before I quit this job..

immigrant conversation while drinking coffee

As an immigrant in this country most of the time you don’t understand natives. You don’t get their way of thinking, their likes, dislikes etc. the only thing you understand is the racism. You can easily understand why they are racist (on different levels).  Racism I talk about here is nothing to do with race or color. Its what I call immigrant racism which is not very serious considering right wing head shoppers.

I take it lightly cause I believe its normal. Coming here from somewhere else and judging the way natives live and hating them for it is also an another form of immigration-related racism.  Just to give a little example to explain what I am talking bout here.

I was sitting in one of them dodgy café in East London and watching the life past by when my friend sitting next to me decide to share whats going on in his little brain.

-       these people are stupid man.

-       What people?

-       These runners. They run all the time.

-       Errrmm.. maybe they want to have and maintain healthy life?

-       What healty life. Running is no good. You wouldn’t buy a car with high mileage do ya?

So I have to give you little insight about us here. We compare everything with cars or mobile phones. My friend here things running is adding mileage to your legs, hearts or whatever which is debatable actually. But the problem here is that runners being stupid cause they do something we don’t so its totally stupid. Right..

Having realized this I try to hit him on different angle.

-doctors say running is good for your heart.

-of course, they say that cause they get paid by footwear and sportswear companies.

Ok. Let me explain another thing here bout immigrants. They are the strong believers for conspiracy theories. %100 of this idea heard in one of them smoky social clubs where they sit all day and get knowledge from one of the most  creative and imaginative people in the room, they come out and share their wisdom and be very confident about the idea they are defending. I carried on with the conversation so I can reach the light of wisdom.

-what do you mean by that?

-you see my friend, these companies like Nike pay money to doctors to say running is healthy so people buy trainers run.

-hmmmm..Nike does that?

-yes. Cause they are Jewish innit.

Here we go. Another confident statement. For some reason which I never understand immigrants don’t like jews and blame them for everything bad. Even people from Israel who move to London don’t like jews.. in fact its more like love and hate relationship. In the end, Jewish people always get praise.

-Jewish people smart. They know business. (yay.. praise.)

before I end this informative conversation with my friends and start enjoying my coffee again. I asked him,

-you are wearing trainers with your tracksuit bottoms as usual.. but you don’t run. How that works out for your jew\doctor\nike conspiracy.

-mines are stolen innit. So I don’t pay Nike but my counterfeit brothers.

I asked him where he was going from here..

-I am gonna go see the GP. He says my heart don’t beat right. Told him I am a MC, I rule the beats innit. Ha ha..

so long my 31 year old friend.. I say you better start running soon..