Good Old London Bendy Buses

A long time ago they decide to introduce so-called Bendy Buses to London. What a big mistake that was.

First of all, they were not suitable for London's narrow roads but most importantly nobody was paying a fare.
Hop in Hop out.

When the authorities realise the non-paying issue, they recruited 150 people to catch people like us. They give them a fancy name. Revenue Protection Officers.

RPO's mean business.
They tried every trick in the book.
Tried to surprise people, catch them red-handed.
They hide behind bus stops, jump on a bus just before the doors close.

The trick was to keep an eye on the next stop.
When you see the Revenue Protection Officers you jump off the bus before they get in. Once they were in you pray that bus gets to next stop before they got to you.

Sometimes people used to get caught before they got to you. That was a mixed feeling though. You are happy being safe but feel for the fellow fee dodger.

Let's say you managed to get away for some time but your luck turned and got caught.

The first thought is "Even if I get fined, I am still in profit." Total unpaid fees £118, fine £60. right?

Not really.!

You should never give up.

So you give them some made up name, address, get your ticket, listen their -be a good citizen, pay your dues- advice and move on.

The secret in this tactic was to look embarrassed, feel bad and acted like you learn your lesson. If you behave cooky etc they insisted on seeing your ID, asking ridiculous questions and sometimes get the police involved.

You made them feel like winners. They got you. Wow. Great job mate. So you can safely move away and let them chase Mr Gregor Samsa.

This one time I and my mate decided to jump on a bus. He had a pass however I told him that I had no bus pass.
He dismissed my point and said " don't be a pussy"

Guess what happened next. I got caught.

So I am in the middle of the bus with my mate getting questioned, all pissed off decided to teach a lesson to my friend and gave his name and address to the officer.

Obviously, he didn't say anything but I could see him getting red and angry. I was feeling good myself at the time.
When he finished with me, the officer turned to my friend and asked for the pass. My smartass mate said that he didn't have a pass and gave my name/address for the fine. Asshole..!

Then one day Boris Johnson got rid off all bendy buses and brought fancy but troubled new routemasters.


Wanto to Read More about London Click Here

Do you now Boris Johnson?

As a Turkish person who lives in London I always come across same questions from my English friends. 

“Where is the best kebab in London? “ 

“Can you tell me where I can find the best lahmacun?” 

“Is the newly open Turkish hammam any good ?” 

“I need a gun, Can you get it for me from the Turkish Mafia?” etc.. 

I don’t recall myself asking where is the best fish & chips ? Where can I eat delicious shepherds pie? Or do you now Boris Johnson? Peh..

immigrant conversation while drinking coffee

As an immigrant in this country most of the time you don’t understand natives. You don’t get their way of thinking, their likes, dislikes etc. the only thing you understand is the racism. You can easily understand why they are racist (on different levels).  Racism I talk about here is nothing to do with race or color. Its what I call immigrant racism which is not very serious considering right wing head shoppers.

I take it lightly cause I believe its normal. Coming here from somewhere else and judging the way natives live and hating them for it is also an another form of immigration-related racism.  Just to give a little example to explain what I am talking bout here.

I was sitting in one of them dodgy café in East London and watching the life past by when my friend sitting next to me decide to share whats going on in his little brain.

-       these people are stupid man.

-       What people?

-       These runners. They run all the time.

-       Errrmm.. maybe they want to have and maintain healthy life?

-       What healty life. Running is no good. You wouldn’t buy a car with high mileage do ya?

So I have to give you little insight about us here. We compare everything with cars or mobile phones. My friend here things running is adding mileage to your legs, hearts or whatever which is debatable actually. But the problem here is that runners being stupid cause they do something we don’t so its totally stupid. Right..

Having realized this I try to hit him on different angle.

-doctors say running is good for your heart.

-of course, they say that cause they get paid by footwear and sportswear companies.

Ok. Let me explain another thing here bout immigrants. They are the strong believers for conspiracy theories. %100 of this idea heard in one of them smoky social clubs where they sit all day and get knowledge from one of the most  creative and imaginative people in the room, they come out and share their wisdom and be very confident about the idea they are defending. I carried on with the conversation so I can reach the light of wisdom.

-what do you mean by that?

-you see my friend, these companies like Nike pay money to doctors to say running is healthy so people buy trainers run.

-hmmmm..Nike does that?

-yes. Cause they are Jewish innit.

Here we go. Another confident statement. For some reason which I never understand immigrants don’t like jews and blame them for everything bad. Even people from Israel who move to London don’t like jews.. in fact its more like love and hate relationship. In the end, Jewish people always get praise.

-Jewish people smart. They know business. (yay.. praise.)

before I end this informative conversation with my friends and start enjoying my coffee again. I asked him,

-you are wearing trainers with your tracksuit bottoms as usual.. but you don’t run. How that works out for your jew\doctor\nike conspiracy.

-mines are stolen innit. So I don’t pay Nike but my counterfeit brothers.

I asked him where he was going from here..

-I am gonna go see the GP. He says my heart don’t beat right. Told him I am a MC, I rule the beats innit. Ha ha..

so long my 31 year old friend.. I say you better start running soon..